Pillow Talk

Erotic Tales

Jerk Off

I wrote this for a friend in 35 minutes (well ok – 38 min.) for … obvious reasons. I leave it with you in its raw un-edited state. Please let me know your thoughts.  I rarely write this fast or with a “purpose”.

***

Miles. That’s the distance between them. In fact opposite ends of the planet. They couldn’t have been further apart from each other if they had tried. Distance is a tricky thing when it comes to matters of the heart. The longing and thus constant obsession can keep the feelings of fresh love alive longer, but the loneliness if not managed properly can shred the intimacy to pieces, leaving you hanging on to something that no longer resembles the close bond between a couple.

Time is finite for them. She goes to bed when he wakes up, and he slows down at the end of the day when she awakens fresh from her dreams ready to take on the world. The difference in their energy level always their greatest challenge of all. He’s always the next day from hers, living tomorrow before she does. For them it’s no longer about day and night. They have become citizens of the dawn and dusk.

Sunrise and sunset are the colors that shade their love life. Warm and welcoming and yet fleeting.

Sitting in front of her tiny screen she sees him. They barely talk anymore she realizes. Every encounter and every e-mail exchange is about sex and the banal pursuit of orgasm. The relationship reduced to fleeting moments of erotic exchange. He’s naked already, his hand wrapped around his cock. Hard and eager. His eyes glistering with the lust and anticipation of the feast ahead. She’s horny that’s for sure. His hard athletic body does that to her. She starts to strip nice and slow. Showing first some shoulder, then some chest. Her breast are capped by full and luscious nipples made for sucking, she pinches them in his absence. His hand goes up and down harder. “Your hot princess” he says.

Grabbing her red dildo out of the drawer next to her, she places it between her tits. She moves it up and down. On the other end she hears a sharp in-take that matches the nod of his head in approval. She knows he wishes it was him. She’s pleased … yet ….

Standing, she bends over, presenting him with her ass. Wiggles her panties off and tries to give him a close-up of her shaved intimate parts. The camera is so small, it’s awkward but she finds the right height and angle and holds herself steady for a while. He’s breathing heavy now. She knows he’s close. She turns around leans into the camera and opens her mouth. He leans over and jerks off until he comes in his hand. Her eyes feast on the beauty of him, his member and the memory of his body wrapped around hers and the smell of him intoxicates her mind. She’s thrilled with the effect she has on him and confused with the one he has on her.

“I got to run” he says, and switches off. She’s left forlorn without release of her own. Sitting on the side of her bed, a sense of isolation engulfs her fully. She let’s her hand wonder to between her thighs and laying down she fills the void with a moment of pleasure, her clit is bulging with blood.

Flushed, she rests a moment prior to walking to the bathroom sink where she cleans the toys before getting ready for work. As she looks in the mirror she starts to cry. She’s worth more than this. Holding the edge of the sink, she takes a determined breath.

Long gone are the hours of conversation on the phone, the e-mails filled with romance that thrilled her once… “I feel dirty” she whispers to no one in particular. She stares again a long time at her own eyes reflected in the mirror. They seem big, sad and tired. She straightens her shoulders, takes a long shuddering breath once again and walks to her laptop. She goes to the sites they use and blocks his e-mail. She deletes her account from a number of online venues. She goes and types a short message, then blocks his e-mail and deletes it from her address list. Somehow filled with a sense of freedom she continues her toilettage and leaves her house.

A smile spreads tentatively across her lips as she makes her way through her daily commute. His hold on her is gone. She’s already been missing him achingly for months. It wasn’t the physical presence she had been missing, it was him – what he was to her, what he made her feel and the deep affection she felt for a kindred spirit. They had spent time once, talking about things – anything – what they had died a long time ago when the conversation and real exchange stopped. She still harbors a need to shout at him “I’m not your whore” … but realizes that’s not accurate. She’s not paid after all. No. She’s done being the “live play thing” of his jerk off sessions.

A deep satisfactory laugh escapes her, strangers stare. She can see him reading her final message, the words float in her minds eye: It’s over.

© Fantasia Lillith and Pillow Talk, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or
duplication of this material without express and written permission
from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts
and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to
Fantasia Lillith and Pillow Talk with appropriate and specific
direction to the original content.

 

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December 28, 2009 - Posted by | erotica | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

34 Comments »

  1. Hm, that’s definitely not quite where I thought this was going. Curious, too, how the title can also be applied to the male in this story.

    This is well written as usual (not counting the occasional typo), but I confess that my initial reaction to her abrupt cutoff was anger. If the relationship had been going for that long, I feel he was owed more than a brief “It’s over, don’t contact me anymore”. Of course, an intelligent and perceptive (and, more importantly, empathetic) man would have long ago realized what was going on and taken the appropriate steps — but I can’t help thinking, if I were in his situation and she had disappeared that abruptly, that completely, I would be sitting there thinking “What the hell? She could have at least TOLD me something was wrong.”

    Perhaps I misinterpret. Perhaps she had made an effort to address the issues before and he’d been unresponsive. It just seemed very sudden indeed.

    Still, the sensations of freedom and unrestricted life that she’s feeling at the end makes it all worthwhile. If it leads to that full an emotion, it has to have been the right choice for her.

    — PB

    Comment by The Panserbjorne | December 29, 2009 | Reply

    • I knew you – of all readers – would catch that in the title! I just knew it! Always a pleasure to read you here PB!

      It’s really always a question of perspective isn’t it? Taking anyone or anything for granted can only ever lead to demise. From her perspective the fact that he needs to be TOLD something was wrong … IS the problem.

      As you mention so clearly in your own comment, I just don’t see how a man could not know why things ended. Is it really one of those situation where it seems obvious to one party and not to the other? Agreed that reading the mind of the other isn’t something any of us can do but in the end we have to do what we know we need to do for us. It is drastic.. perhaps, or perhaps it’s just overdue.

      I guarantee that, after that little strip tease a “I got to go” and hanging up isn’t going to fly with … Oh just about every woman I know. Unless it’s what you like of course. But for most, it makes you feel used not to mention – if repeatedly only one partner is satisfied – there’s going to be issues. Relationships are not just about sex and that becomes especially true if it’s long distance.

      When people hear communication is key I am certain that 90% of people think words. But as my shrink has so wonderfully pointed out that’s absurd. Humans communicate 70% of what they have to communicate with body language/facial expressions – THAT is what is meant by great communication skills. Reading body language. And woman … are often far more obvious about that then men making them easy to read if you care to.

      I have no sympathy for him and IMHO It’s not her job to make things clear for him. His clarity is not her responsibility. Her own is. And that – she got.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 29, 2009 | Reply

  2. Any man who comes and then says “I gotta go”, if he’s doing it on a regular basis, is already not in respectable territory.

    I would imagine that the problems in this relationship are more than that, but the leaving her hanging part has a sense of being part of a pattern. Unless the relationship is one of dom-sub and her being limited in her release is part of the “scene” (and that doesn’t seem to be the case), it isn’t right.

    Unless my wife tells me not to bother with giving her an orgasm, I consider it a required part of me getting mine…whether up close and personal or over the phone/Internet, or whatever.

    So, I don’t pity the male in this story all that much.

    Comment by Smokedawg | December 29, 2009 | Reply

  3. In my point of view, the guy doesn’t even deserve an “It’s over.” message. If I was the woman here, I’d rather leave him with nothing, nothing at all to keep him thinking and wondering for the rest of his life what went wrong (if he is stupid enough not to know what went wrong.)

    Comment by Asian Buttefly | December 30, 2009 | Reply

    • Yes … but I think the “it’s over” was her way of making it true and final.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 1, 2010 | Reply

  4. Oh, the hold and the letting go…being controlled and in control and the rise and the fall of the valley in between both. I love the way you weave a tale and the emotions so freely shared. Happiest of New Years. – E.

    Comment by Ella | December 30, 2009 | Reply

    • Ella thank you so much for commenting! and for the compliment. Happy New year to you as well!!

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 1, 2010 | Reply

  5. Great writing – nice sentence structure for the build-up and the finale.

    A depressing scenario saved by the brilliant ending – to break up with him so concisely via email, usually a taboo which would make her the jerk (great title pun too, btw), is just what he deserves.

    xx

    Comment by The Drinker | January 1, 2010 | Reply

    • The Drinker! thank you! And what a wonderful comment. It tells me so much! why you liked the story, how you felt and a sense of your thoughts. I really appreciate that. It’s with this kind of comments that I know if I am going in the correct direction. So thank you for taking the time to share.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 1, 2010 | Reply

  6. Your comment at Rosenbush Cafe jogged my memory of your beautiful site. Thank you, because I have spent a good half hour here with a cup of coffee enjoying it. I could not find a way to contact you directly here, but wanted to respond to your comment/question. Yes, please do use the piece in whatever way you see fit. I’d be honored to have it shared on such an intelligent site. I can imagine the type of bullshittery you have to contend with not only for writing about the subjects you write about–but for being damn good at it. God forbid (literally) that a woman expresses herself authentically and and with moxie. I look forward to seeing my diatribe in your mix. 🙂

    Comment by Kalliope Amorphous | January 3, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you Kalliope. I am working on that now and will figure out how to “blend” it all in on my site. I’ll use a page – for this is not new and I doubt it will go away. I have only been live since March 2009 and yet I am shocked at times at what people will do or say. Sadly … I am less so now. Thank you for that glorious rant!

      I am tickled pink you spent a half hour here …. I am flattered.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 3, 2010 | Reply

      • It is amazing what people will do when they are relatively anonymous and cushioned by layers of cyberspace. And sad sometimes.

        Comment by smokedawg | January 4, 2010

      • You have NO idea!

        Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 6, 2010

  7. Happy New Year Fantasia,

    This is so on point, I liked the conclusion, your timing is something else (have you been reading my mind) had to remove a few “Jerk Offs” myself!!! (So I can relate)

    However, cybersex can be very liberating with the right person…

    Comment by pashun | January 4, 2010 | Reply

    • As long as we don’t fool ourselves to believe there is more there ….

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 6, 2010 | Reply

  8. I love the sense of empowerment that closes this piece. There is a real power in seeing a situation for what it truly is and having the strength to reclaim the self. Very sexy, very strong, very nice…

    Comment by Cheeky Minx | January 4, 2010 | Reply

    • Wow thank you. Yes, there is – for many of us that clarity can come too late and at a much higher cost in the self esteem arena. Happy to see your comment here. Means a lot!

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 6, 2010 | Reply

  9. Excellent story Fantasia! Your stories are so nuanced and show the many layers of human emotions and experience – I always look forward to seeing what you’ve thought up next.

    Comment by wifegonebad | January 5, 2010 | Reply

    • I love that you still stop in! please e-mail me and let meknow how you are doing!!

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 6, 2010 | Reply

  10. A sad story you’ve written

    Comment by siranneal | January 6, 2010 | Reply

    • Sad? funny how liberating comes as sad for you ….

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 6, 2010 | Reply

  11. Very nice. I like how she still had hope until it was lost. Then she untangled herself just as neatly and quickly, as he came in his hand.

    Not to be a Luddite by any means, but I do think that people need to get off the cams and chat boxes and get together.

    It is too easy to take each other for granted. I imagine that becoming routine via cybersex would be a sorry feeling to deal with, indeed.

    Thumbs up on this piece. Esp one the part where she knows that to tell him he was wrong in his treatment was a moot point.

    Maybe a nice but neglected woman will read this and see that cutting off the feed (when it is time) can be liberating.

    Comment by Liras | January 9, 2010 | Reply

    • Your comments are worth waiting for! thank you Liras … It is always amazing to me how strong women can be. I am lucky to have a few around me that are really inspirational.

      What an utterly lovely thought! I hope that this finds the right person at the right time. It would be nice.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 11, 2010 | Reply

  12. This is a great stand-alone story, regardless of the personal baggage that goes with it. I like that it’s sexy without being one-handed reading, and I like that it’s tone is a little sad. Thinkin’ girls erotica. As always, you are a very talented writer!

    Comment by elsiewrites | January 11, 2010 | Reply

  13. Hi there, I agree with the “it´s over” being her way of making it true and final. To put things clear, no half measures… he didn´t deserve it, but she didn´t do it for him! A great post, it´s impressive the way you sense one´s feeling. Congras and keep writting :X

    Comment by letstalktoday | January 12, 2010 | Reply

  14. i really like how you’ve set the piece with their distance. kind of reminds me of my past loves. this was really impressive for 35 minutes!!

    Comment by floreta | January 12, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you! I hope to challenge myself with fast writing again – I think it allows the mind to just “run with it”. Too often we get bogged down with editing and searching for clever ways to say things and we loose that inner voice in the process.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 17, 2010 | Reply

  15. An idea for your next readers challenge Fantasia… ask for submissions for “his side of the story”. Might be interesting reading. I wonder what kind of stories you’d get?

    Comment by breathenoah | January 13, 2010 | Reply

    • Of all the pieces for you to show you still visit ….. interesting.
      I suppose the questions are:
      a) do I care to explore that and
      b) will my readers care to explore that angle (male and female)
      c) why? Do you feel compelled to share a perspective lost on me?

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 17, 2010 | Reply

      • Always analysing Fantasia! There’s no questions or reasons, just fun. If it would be fun, do it. If not, don’t! Simple!

        Comment by breathenoah | January 19, 2010

      • Nothing is ever simple with you Noah … come on!

        Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 20, 2010

  16. Thanks for you kind words, Fantasia. My comments are sparse because I am struggling to head my head from exploding.

    Keep you the good work, will be back soon.

    Comment by Liras | January 17, 2010 | Reply

  17. Hi
    Still alive and well here
    Hope you are too.
    London been arctic.

    RR x

    Comment by me | January 18, 2010 | Reply

    • UKRoadRunner!! Yes I’ve heard Europe is taking a Nordic twist this year … glad you are alright and welcome back!

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | January 18, 2010 | Reply


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