Pillow Talk

Erotic Tales

Tears of Redemption

Miss me?  I have been away on vacation. Yes … much needed and much enjoyed time in the sun.  On vacation I didn’t write. Not a single word – I did however a great deal of thinking. Those thoughts then inspired a small series of stories. Not all erotic in the true sense.  Here is the first.

We don’t truly understand the meaning of the word “illusion”. Yet, we live most of our lives in one, being one. We live the life we think we should be living, and not the one that we know in our hearts is true to who we are. We keep up with the Joneses to the point of crushing debt and even breaking our own moral code. We go after big dreams that are not our own. We marry people out of fear of loneliness or because it’s “that time” and have children because it’s the next logical step. We are, in fact, spectators in our own lives, living a life of illusion.

Yet there are those that dare to be different. Those that dare to say “no” to the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids and the golden retriever. Those that  stop and think for themselves, and look outside the small confines of the world they live in and the restraints of cultural, parental, societal and religious dictatorship. There are those that will backpack around the world, those that will give up every material good or their horde of false friends in order to Be real. To be in synch with who they really are. Those few brave souls find happiness although they will often be met with sneers and glances of disapproval. After all they are proof “it” can be done – and who wants to be reminded that they are too much of a coward to find themselves?

Those unique few touch the “Real” or let the “Real” touch them like the ancients did – the fathers of the desert – men that before Christianity, would venture out into the sands, alone, as hermits to think on the relationship between humans and Life, Nature and the Absolute. Today’s Psychology is a walk in the park compared to that.

For most of us, the sense of the True, comes only as bright moments in our lives that we then spend an eternity trying to re-capture, not realizing how simple it is to let go of the Ego, from “beliefs”, from this mirror image of ourselves… the illusion.  This is the train of thought that inspired this story.


It was a gorgeous weekend. Sun and fall colors abound. He looked at the woman by his side and felt his heart swell. No explanation, just seeing her there by his side as they followed the path had triggered something in him. The sun shining in her auburn hair, the gray at her temples glittering; his hand reached up without prompting or forethought to caress the platinum strands. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he fought them back. She looked at him quizzically.  He shook his head and pointed out the stunning tree in full autumn dress and exclaimed in wonder and joked that it looked to him like the flaming bush of the bible. He started dodging around pretending he could hear the voice of God. She laughed and told him he was silly.

Even those words made him gulp down a lump in his throat – what was wrong with him?

The weekend had been full yet relaxing. They had cooked together, lingered in bed and enjoyed each other many times in many ways; they had gone to a play and stopped to listen to a street musician afterwards as they left the theater behind; still talking animatedly about the scenes that had touched them. They had tea and coffee in a quaint little hole in the wall. An art gallery turned coffee shop. And they talked a great deal more.

For now, however, they walked in silence hand in hand.

They happened upon a bench by the river, and sat down. He fumbled a moment in his many pockets and pulled out his single cigar humidor, which had been a gift from her, and his guillotine. With the same reverence of a religious ritual, he pulled the cigar out, sucked the tip to moisten it, cut and lit his one cigar of the week.  He leaned back to take in the perfect moment as they watched the sea gulls and Canada Geese fly, squawk and fight over some discarded hot dog bun. He was at peace, her head in his lap, the sun warming them even on this late fall afternoon. He couldn’t explain the overwhelming feeling in his heart and it didn’t matter. He didn’t feel “giddy crazy” … But it wasn’t calm either… euphoric perhaps.

They made their way back home. Feeling like a blanket of life and joy was wrapped around them. Their hearts warm even if their fingers and noses were cold. Once inside, the fireplace was lit, a cup of cocoa made and they continued their silent companionship as the room began to fill with the smell of a stew in the slow cooker. He was startled when she suddenly bounded up off the couch, and half ran to the bathroom only to return with a pair of tweezers.

Half blushing she asked in a tiny voice “pluck the little man hairs on my chin for me?” he tried with every ounce not to laugh. She was so classy and elegant, the idea of man hairs on her chin just didn’t jive. Yet he was amazingly touched that she’d ask him to help with their removal. Mutual grooming was such an intimate thing. He swallowed any smart ass remarks threatening to stumble off his tongue and onto his lips, and accepted the show of trust for what it was with gratitude and composure.

She lay herself down on the bed, in the sunbeam and stretched out like a cat. He started plucking away the few sparse hairs, and then was done. Yet he couldn’t move. He stayed there, hovering above her, kissing her eyelids, caressing her neck softly with his hands. The stereo played a longing tune, the sun was warm and he could not be anything but amazingly tender and loving and … she started crying.

The tears fell slowly – just falling down her cheek. He wasn’t alarmed. She was smiling, breathing quietly. Joy was writ all over her. Her delicate hand pointed to her now bare nipples and she just smirked, her eyes still closed. He started plucking out the half dozen slightly darker hairs there as well. She squirmed and squealed and then … her breathing changed.

His hand caressed her body longingly, the energy in him non sexual. It was something else. He noticed the smallest things. The pores of her skin, the tiny little hairs that would rise to meet his hand like a sweet peach lifting to meet his lips, it all amazed and intrigued. She was soft, yet firm and he marveled at that. As he lifted her leg up, and slowly entered her with his hard member, his act wasn’t a sexual one. It was one of unification. The goal not the pursuit of orgasm, but the simple joy of being cohesively One. She breathed deeply, and sighed, the rhythm was soft and slow and nothing was urgent. They gazed into each others eyes, hers still moist from her falling tears.

With both ankles atop his shoulders, he lifted her ass up softly and gently. Leaning in he was lost in wonder at her flexibility. Resting on the back of her thighs he let his eyes meet hers again and they never left. Slowly a build up occurred and they leaned in to kiss as a caress rushed through them both. They sighed. He pulled out with regret and let her legs go. She curled into him and let her hands caper and carouse with his nipples, and follow the contour of his muscles down his navel where she then played with his now softening prick. She sat up, leaned on one elbow and looked at him with tender love and compassion in her gaze.

He was looking up at her and feeling the warmth of her glowing body was an incredible comfort as was the cascade of her hair; a curtain of intimacy for just the two of them. She kissed his eyelids, his cheek, his lips and neck; she cupped his face to her, in her lap. And now he too cried. No sobs; just quiet tears pooling and gently falling in a small trickle to the white cotton of the hotel quality bedspread. He was in harmony with who he was, living the life he wanted and for the first time he loved without agenda.

He looked up at her smiling, open faced and shed more tears.

© Fantasia Lillith and Pillow Talk, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or
duplication of this material without express and written permission
from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts
and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to
Fantasia Lillith and Pillow Talk with appropriate and specific
direction to the original content.


December 4, 2009 - Posted by | Beauty, erotica, romance, Sensual, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. I enjoyed this…from the cigar to the tears…grooming is the deepest animalistic form of love…
    Oh..to have such a life

    Comment by siranneal | December 4, 2009 | Reply

    • I hope you do soon my friend … we should all have this. The world would be a better place.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 6, 2009 | Reply

  2. I can’t even call or compare what was read “a moment” between her and him. So pure and clean. No feeling of sadness whatsoever… was without a doubt the happiness and loving moment of their lives, it seemed. And people make it sound as though it’s so hard to experience such a moment… filled with love. Ahhhh. Amazing writer. Darling friend. Incredible woman. You’re writing is nothing short of star sparks and beauty.

    Comment by Jeraud Craig | December 4, 2009 | Reply

    • Dear friend … every-time I read your comments I see that, not only do you enjoy the story in itself but you actually analyze the style and writing. You can see that you are studying the craft! I found – over my vacation – that indeed these moments we all claim are so hard to come by and find are in fact, simply a choice. You can choose to set aside the ego and to just Be. Takes practise – but once mastered I believe the relationship goes to another level. One that is in fact safer from many things … communication is often touted as the most important thing between a couple … what is forgotten is that – over 70% of communication is non verbal, and for that to occur – you need intimacy. In my opinion, intimacy – in the real sense (not romance and paying attention to the other, but being in harmony) – is the key to real communication. Thank you dear reader and friend for always taking the time to share your thoughts here.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 6, 2009 | Reply

  3. Very nice story for your return.

    Been a year or two since I had a “unification” like that with my wife. It’s a near-religious experience to me to have that sexual contact and feel something so much more than the physical; to care nothing about orgasms but to be all about the one-ness.

    Welcome back, Fantasia.

    Comment by smokedawg | December 4, 2009 | Reply

    • Perhaps it’s time you did? make time for each other … read her body all day and … why not make it happen. I have learned over my vacation that it is … indeed … a choice.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 6, 2009 | Reply

      • We’re working on it. Hard for my wife to get out of her jangling thoughts and pressures sometimes, though. We’re making some progress there, though. Did have some nice morning loving today and while it didn’t cross the threshold to “religious experience” it was very, verah, VERAAAAH nice all the same.

        Comment by Deacon Blue | December 6, 2009

      • Ah well … then time was nto lost! You can’t force it. In fact it’s in the letting go …

        Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 7, 2009

  4. You can’t stop you know.
    Get it out of your head, this is simply beautiful.

    Comment by abufares | December 5, 2009 | Reply

    • Thank you my friend. I have moments of doubt …. and your support has in fact gotten me out of my head. Merci mon ami.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 6, 2009 | Reply

  5. Beautiful, tender, loving..what an amazing story. I was fortunate to have a similar experience. There is nothing like the sensation, one you can’t just create. It comes from a place where you forget about yourself and you focus on your partner. From there the experience transcends the orgasm. It’s a one-ness that is rare. The joy and love created is something to cherish. I enjoy your writing very much, and as much as I find it arousing, this had a gentle sensuality. Welcome home!

    Comment by megawfa79 | December 5, 2009 | Reply

    • @megawfa79 – Thank you so much. These moments are in fact easier to achieve than I would have ever imagined before I met my consort. I find that the key is to let go of ego. In a world of self gratification and as part of the lead up to the ME generation, it’s not as instinctive as it should be. If you focus on the us and not the “moi” the “me me me” it is actually rather …. simple. The amazing thing is that – it’s sustainable over multiple days. I know … I’ve lived it. Perhaps noticing that I never had before is what made me want to write about it.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 6, 2009 | Reply

  6. “Loving without agenda” is, on first thought, a rather cynical way of looking at things, but on closer inspection it’s a penetrating commentary. How many of us really do love someone else unreservedly, unconditionally, without expecting something in return? Sadly, I think it’s a bit more rare than we might like.

    This was a lovely introspective piece and I enjoyed reading it. Again, welcome back.

    — PB

    Comment by The Panserbjørne | December 7, 2009 | Reply

    • Panserbjorn! you have not left me … Oh delight indeed! I would say it’s good to be back – but … I think I would still rather be diving in the Indigo Ocean – I have not accepted winter, yet snow is on the ground.

      … and thank you for your amazing comment. I believe that few of us trully know what it means to love – fewer still the meaning of intimacy. It’s something I really pondered on holiday. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 7, 2009 | Reply

  7. That was simply lovely. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Comment by pervertedimp | December 7, 2009 | Reply

    • Thank you for letting me know you liked it! My mind isn’t as “in the gutter” these days but – I think that’s alright.

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 7, 2009 | Reply

  8. Oh Fantasia we missed you – and what a piece you came back with! The story was exquisite — like a fancy piece of chocolate. I must confess that I cried while reading it, not ever having had such a moment (in my 45 years) and thinking, perhaps, I won’t. Surely it is not merely because I have never found the right man – perhaps my ego does get in the way and I can’t let go? More to talk about with my therapist this week! Welcome back. 🙂

    Comment by Emma | December 7, 2009 | Reply

    • Oh dear Emma! perhaps that’s a new blog for you … away from sexploits and more into the world of intimacy? I am sorry to have made you cry my dear … but yes your therapist might just be the right person for that talk! I am here ‘offline” for you if you want!

      Comment by Fantasia Lillith | December 7, 2009 | Reply

  9. You know how young I am and how innocent and careless I am about so many things in my life. Someday, I’d like to have something like that, but I know that I have to find myself first, more than anything else. It maybe slow, but I’d like you to know I’m making progress with everything. It’s so great to have you back and to hear about your vacation. I have so much to share… You are one great soul. 🙂

    Comment by Asian Butterfly | December 9, 2009 | Reply

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